Traffic Tracker

Saturday 2 August 2014

BREAKING: ALI WUPLEY IS DEAD!

BREAKING: 
ALI WUPLEY IS DEAD!


Police have confirmed the identity of the man murdered yesterday in the vicinity of Taipei's Ta-An Park as Ali Wupley. In what detectives have described as “one of the most brazen crimes in the city’s history”, Wupley’s body was found last night less than a block from his downtown office. Wupley, 27, was discovered by the erotic Taipei dancer Rice Dream lying face-down in a pool of blood. Ms. Dream, 23, who could not be reached for comment, raised the alarm with passersby and the authorities were summoned to the scene of the crime. The first officer on the scene was Detective Enoch Mather. He told this reporter: "This is such a tragedy. Mr. Wupley was a handsome, talented young man. Famed for both length and girth, he was popular with the ladies. I knew him only in passing: he swore that he would see me die a painful and dramatic death. In his upcoming screenplay you understand. Anyway, I don't have time to discuss this, please let me past.” Tomorrow's edition will be wholly devoted to Mr. Wupley's life. Rest in Peace, Ali.

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